multigenerational pattern of abuse & trauma; I spent my early childhood years being sex trafficked until I witnessed the murder of my mother at the hands of our traffickers. By the grace of God I was then rescued by her family, only to be alternately bribed & punished into shutting up abo…
multigenerational pattern of abuse & trauma; I spent my early childhood years being sex trafficked until I witnessed the murder of my mother at the hands of our traffickers. By the grace of God I was then rescued by her family, only to be alternately bribed & punished into shutting up about it. Instead of receiving treatment, or at the very least validation for my considerable trauma, I was simply told that none of it had happened! By 17, I finally ended up in a psych ward because I chose to go there, rather than back home, after my grandparents TOOK ME TO the local runaway shelter & LEFT me there. I was diagnosed with severe CPTSD & was well on my way to Dissociative ldentity Disorder- my grandparents never could understand why I was always calling myself by different names, but they did sometimes accuse me of being schizophrenic (but never took me to anyone to attempt to find out). After seeing police & medical records provided by another family member, the doctors sat me down to explain that my condition was a perfectly sane reaction to my situation & that I was doing quite well to not be sitting somewhere catatonic & drooling on myself by then.
By the age of 20, I was a passenger in a flipped car & received back injuries severe enough to receive opiates (before Oxycontin & the pill mill days). Oh, & did I mention that I was born addicted to the heroin my mother used? So I discovered my ultimate dopamine button to escape the pain when I found myself utterly unable to allow my soulmate all the way in. He was a man, after all, like the men who raped me every day in exchange for a roof over our heads & food in our stomachs until they killed her in front of me & then attempted to sell me off. Not that I felt much better about the concept of family, either; the two men were brothers with some uncles in the local Sheriff's department, all from some fucked up family connected to a bunch of other fucked up trafficking families. And it was the brothers' mother who had set up my sale. Luckily my grandfather was a Fed himself & had connections.of his own, so I was held for several days during negotiation.
Wow. Thank you for sharing here. I see you as extraordinarily courageous. . wonder how you describe the secret sauce, that helps you to carry on and do your best to excel.
Here's some context for you:
I was the product of a
multigenerational pattern of abuse & trauma; I spent my early childhood years being sex trafficked until I witnessed the murder of my mother at the hands of our traffickers. By the grace of God I was then rescued by her family, only to be alternately bribed & punished into shutting up about it. Instead of receiving treatment, or at the very least validation for my considerable trauma, I was simply told that none of it had happened! By 17, I finally ended up in a psych ward because I chose to go there, rather than back home, after my grandparents TOOK ME TO the local runaway shelter & LEFT me there. I was diagnosed with severe CPTSD & was well on my way to Dissociative ldentity Disorder- my grandparents never could understand why I was always calling myself by different names, but they did sometimes accuse me of being schizophrenic (but never took me to anyone to attempt to find out). After seeing police & medical records provided by another family member, the doctors sat me down to explain that my condition was a perfectly sane reaction to my situation & that I was doing quite well to not be sitting somewhere catatonic & drooling on myself by then.
By the age of 20, I was a passenger in a flipped car & received back injuries severe enough to receive opiates (before Oxycontin & the pill mill days). Oh, & did I mention that I was born addicted to the heroin my mother used? So I discovered my ultimate dopamine button to escape the pain when I found myself utterly unable to allow my soulmate all the way in. He was a man, after all, like the men who raped me every day in exchange for a roof over our heads & food in our stomachs until they killed her in front of me & then attempted to sell me off. Not that I felt much better about the concept of family, either; the two men were brothers with some uncles in the local Sheriff's department, all from some fucked up family connected to a bunch of other fucked up trafficking families. And it was the brothers' mother who had set up my sale. Luckily my grandfather was a Fed himself & had connections.of his own, so I was held for several days during negotiation.
Wow. Thank you for sharing here. I see you as extraordinarily courageous. . wonder how you describe the secret sauce, that helps you to carry on and do your best to excel.